All of us at some point, have felt inadequate, and is it any wonder considering the standards presented in media, social media etc? It’s such a shame because it’s so unnatural to feel inadequate. You are good enough because YOU EXIST. You are unique! When a baby is born does it lack confidence in themselves or in their self-worth? Have you ever met a “worrier” baby or “negative” baby? Of course not! Babies are born with self-love and self-worth, so much so that they cry if you don’t give them what they know they need and deserve. What happened to that baby? What happened to you? Conditioning, that’s what! You are good enough because you exist. You were just conditioned to believe otherwise.
When we come into this world we are happy, curious, excited little people. We didn’t doubt our abilities and we didn’t compare ourselves to others. We just said, “I want” and went for it. When we learned to walk or talk, we didn’t think, “I wonder should I do this because I might fail?” We just went for it and practiced it over and over until we mastered it. It was only when people started to comment that things began to change.
Over time we learned that we were being watched by those around us and that people make judgments. Family, friends, school and society – they all impact in one way or another. That’s not to blame, people just impact people. But babies and young children rarely question what they are being told. They simply hear and accept. For example. children might believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy. It’s not that they are true, it’s because they were said to be true.
And so it is for beliefs about adequacy. People are given a psychological blueprint very early on for what “good enough” means and they don’t question it. Overtime it is reaffirmed over and over to the point where it seems like fact. The result is not seeing the whole truth about who you really are! The FACT is you are a unique human being that has so much to offer. Nobody is the same as you, so stop comparing yourself to others. Tap into the FACT that you are a wonderful unique human being.!
Here are five tips to help you:
Call it out. Define specifically what you were led to believe “Good Enough” means.
Write down specifically what good enough means, as you have been led to believe it to mean. List everything and be honest. How should you look? How should you talk? How should you behave? What is okay for you to have or achieve and what is not? Write it all down so you have your blueprint in black and white in front of you, even if it looks harsh. When you have done that, re-read it but this time ask yourself if it really makes sense. This interrupts your usual hear-and-accept
This time I want you to take that blueprint and imagine reading it to a five-year-old child. If you have a photo of you as five, even better. Take the blueprint you wrote above and read it (aloud if possible) to that child. Tell them they must believe it for the rest of their lives but importantly quickly step in and interrupt that negativity as the older wiser person you are now. Tell yourself how amazing you really are! Treat yourself kindly and remember you are worthy!
Snap to break the pattern!
When I was stuck years ago, I found an exercise very useful and you might like to try it. Get an elastic band and put it on your least dominant wrist. If you are right-handed this would be your left wrist. If you say one negative thing to yourself, about yourself or about another person, pull the band back and let it snap against your wrist. Then replace that negativity with something positive. For example, if you say “I can’t do this. I’m not good enough”, snap the band and then replace with something like “I can do anything I put my mind to and with enough practice or help, I will get a result.” This can further interrupt your old negative thinking. Do this for 48 hours and watch what happens.
Disclaimer: the aim is not to hurt, it’s to interrupt!
Take 5 minutes and close your eyes. Quieten your mind and simply ask yourself “If I took away all the old negative patterns and comparisons that I learned up to this point, who would I be?” Remember how amazing you really are. Remember how curious and excited you once were and can still be. Play with it. What would you do, if you knew you could not “fail”? What would you let yourself try, learn or go after? Ask your brain good questions and it finds good answers. It may find them straight away or a little later, but it will go on a search for them.
Affirm I AM statements
After you do the above exercise, get a piece of paper and write down ten things you like about yourself. This may not be as easy as you think, not because you aren’t fabulous, but because you got used to self-criticism. So, stick with it until you have ten I AM statements.
I AM kind
I AM honest
I AM funny
Write your ten I AM statements and read them every day. You are a unique human being and you ARE good enough!
And to help you further, here is a gift from me to you, a FREE ebook: https://www.donnakennedy.com/#ebook There are some things in it that will help move you forward.
If you need additional support, you are welcome to join my membership club or contact me. Details are on the homepage .https://www.donnakennedy.com/